Have you ever had one of those times when all of a sudden everything is presented to you in clarity and you get a revelation about something? That's a lightbulb moment.
Right now I have a thing for vintage bags. So yesterday my mum passed me her black leather Charles Jordan bag. When I retreated to my room and starting cleaning my new bag, I had a lightbulb moment. This bag is something she bought more than a decade back..so I remembered taking photos with her when I was five with her under a huge Christmas tree, with this particular bag. I was thinking to myself 'wow,mum must have saved up a lot just to get this bag then.' I imagined her slogging just to buy the black patent leather bag that would set her back $450. Funny how now that I've started working, I begin wanting stuff like a new phone, vintage bags and a good digital camera.
When I was 5, I thought my mum as my protector, as someone I will stand beside when she's making dinner and ask her questions about what kindergarten teacher taught me that day.
When I was 10, I thought my mum as an overprotective, strict parent who's too outdated for my own good.
When I was 15, I thought my mum as someone who just don't and won't understand my feelings. Who won't give her daughter a listen and will judge her cause of what she said.
I'm turning 20.
Yesterday as I sat on my bed clutching the leather bag, my mind took a long trip back to the 1970s. Where a young lady worked hard and indulged in pretty handbags like many other girls would. Where she worked hard until she stopped working to look after her daughter. I imagined her and her husband checking their bank balance, wondering when they could buy a new car so that they can bring their family out for outings. I imagined her taking time off just to bring her kids to Pizza hut for their weekly treat and the occasional trips to the beach. And she worked hard, to give her family a better life. And slowly, her children grows up. Her husband and her grew up under hard conditions, and nobody taught them how to be good parents. They wondered why it was so difficult to hold a good conversation with their daughter and why their son was never home for dinner. They wondered why their daughter would say they don't bother about her life when they tried their best to provide for all her needs.
forward it 30 years later.
Sitting on that bed, I finally know how my mum feels, her sacrifices and struggles to hold the family together, and for the first time in my life, I understand. And it's at that point when I feel, I'm an adult.
So here's to you, for being the best mum in the world. (:
I wrote my heart down.
12:30 AM