A Charles Jordan Bag and a Lightbulb Moment.
Have you ever had one of those times when all of a sudden everything is presented to you in clarity and you get a revelation about something? That's a lightbulb moment.

Right now I have a thing for vintage bags. So yesterday my mum passed me her black leather Charles Jordan bag. When I retreated to my room and starting cleaning my new bag, I had a lightbulb moment. This bag is something she bought more than a decade back..so I remembered taking photos with her when I was five with her under a huge Christmas tree, with this particular bag. I was thinking to myself 'wow,mum must have saved up a lot just to get this bag then.' I imagined her slogging just to buy the black patent leather bag that would set her back $450. Funny how now that I've started working, I begin wanting stuff like a new phone, vintage bags and a good digital camera.

When I was 5, I thought my mum as my protector, as someone I will stand beside when she's making dinner and ask her questions about what kindergarten teacher taught me that day.

When I was 10, I thought my mum as an overprotective, strict parent who's too outdated for my own good.

When I was 15, I thought my mum as someone who just don't and won't understand my feelings. Who won't give her daughter a listen and will judge her cause of what she said.

I'm turning 20.

Yesterday as I sat on my bed clutching the leather bag, my mind took a long trip back to the 1970s. Where a young lady worked hard and indulged in pretty handbags like many other girls would. Where she worked hard until she stopped working to look after her daughter. I imagined her and her husband checking their bank balance, wondering when they could buy a new car so that they can bring their family out for outings. I imagined her taking time off just to bring her kids to Pizza hut for their weekly treat and the occasional trips to the beach. And she worked hard, to give her family a better life. And slowly, her children grows up. Her husband and her grew up under hard conditions, and nobody taught them how to be good parents. They wondered why it was so difficult to hold a good conversation with their daughter and why their son was never home for dinner. They wondered why their daughter would say they don't bother about her life when they tried their best to provide for all her needs.

forward it 30 years later.

Sitting on that bed, I finally know how my mum feels, her sacrifices and struggles to hold the family together, and for the first time in my life, I understand. And it's at that point when I feel, I'm an adult.

So here's to you, for being the best mum in the world. (:

A quarter of 2007 has just gone by. Sort of flew out of my window without me realising it. I'm beginning to think that my life's a soap opera. A few mishaps each episode, but nothing dramatic happens. And it goes on and on and on, but never ends. I'm sorry if this entry is gonna be truncated and random. It's just that I've so much to say, but when I've sat down and ready to type,i'm speechless. Let me try to sum it up in points.

From the exterior,

1)For real, i've graduated. My final semester results aren't too bad, even though I expected something better for Law. So I scored a 3 for my GPA. Yea,nothing fantastic I know. I'm quite surprised when my colleague told me the average GPA of her course is 4.0 when nobody in my cohort has such scores at all. Guess it's different from Engineering and IT school.

2)I've been busy with conferences, and now I'm trying to busy myself with work to earn extra cash. To save up for Perth next year and also for my long list of indulgences like a nokia 7373 (but not pink.) and a new digital camera.

3)Trying to sell away the huge pile of clothes in my wardrobe. ):

4)If I'm gonna be a part-time student at Murdoch, I have no idea what I'm gonna do with the other half of my time.

To the interior.

5)I feel aimless. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to.

6)Someone advised me. "it may only take you a week or a month to get over it." It's been 2 months and I feel neither here nor there.

7)My first guitar lesson should be on Monday.

8)I don't know what to do with my dreams.

9)Every once in awhile on bus rides, I gaze out of the window and wished I was somewhere else.
Maybe Canada or something.

10)Sometimes I wish I over excelled in something. Just like how some people are scholars,musically-inclined or artistic. Again, I feel neither here nor there.

11)Believe it or not, after graduating I don't know how in the world I'm gonna find a job. Magazines are a niche industry.

12)Most of the time I will feel like I've gotten over things. Then sometimes talking about stuff will bring me back to some memories I only know as bitter-sweet ones.

13)I don't know what's gonna happen in my life,honestly. But sometimes I want the courage to say,'I'm going backpacking.Don't know when I'm gonna be back.' And really live my life. But I can't leave all of it behind, 'cause I'm entering Uni,getting a degree, and hopefully a good job after that. Like all other students out there. Going down the traditional road. Living the dreams of our parents and country.

14)And yes,I do wish to have been born in a filthy rich family. I'm thankful that my dad worked his way up and provided us with a comfortable lifestyle, but we're not rich as in bungalows-and- porsches kind of sense. Not because I wanna show off. Think about it. Then I won't have to stay in Singapore to study to save money for my family because 20k won't make a difference to them cause we're so filthy rich. Then I can buy whatever I want and don't have to crack my brains on where to sell or even chuck my unwanted stuff because my house's so huge I can put them anywhere and my family's so filthy rich I don't have to get money by selling my clothes.
Then I can go for any church and youth camps without checking the balance in my bank account. Then I can live my dreams and go backpacking for 2 years or something. Then I think my parents will feel happier. I know people will come up to me and say, most rich people are not happy. I do think life's more than earning the big buck. But the truth is,I think my parents are happy when they could afford to bring us out for nice meals at Crystal Jade or pamper themselves with material goods and spa indulgences. And even travelling. In a way, when the quality of life improves, people are happier. When you're not so rich, you're only happy when you learn to embrace your situation and make the best out of what you have. When you're really poor,you're only happy when you start trusting God to provide for all your needs. So all in all, nobody's really contented with being living from dollar to dollar.

If the mountains are like dust to Him, then we're nothing more than minuscule creatures scuttling around.
I have no idea why He makes me feel that i'm unique when the room's jam packed with youths like myself.
I have no idea how He can love me so much even though I've failed Him so many times.
I can't comprehend the many lovely thoughts He always think about me when I can easily point out my flaws.
I can't explain the feeling when He speaks to me. It's like a fresh breath of life into my being.
Despite the many times I slipped away, the Shepherd pulls me aside and said ,"don't you ever run away from me again."
There're many things I can never understand.
I can never understand why God would love me so much. But He does. And sometimes, that's all you need to know.

New York, New York!
2nd March '07







It was hard fitting all 5 of our faces in 'cause Vicky's hand was too short. haha!

I just had to put this up. heh heh.


So it was C9's almost complete (except for YP and Trena) gathering on Friday. Eun,Vicky and me reached earlier than the rest so we queued up first. BIG mistake 'cause we waited for an hour before there were seats for us. While waiting, we tooked some photos and each of us pretended to be an easel.

eunice gets a 9/10 for her expression.


2/10. Actually I should just delete this photo altogether 'cause I have no idea what Vicky was trying to act sulky at.lol.


I give myself an 8. Know why? 'Cause I showed only my eyes. The full face would definitely be awarded a 10. But that's only because I'm the judge, of course.


I love my red nails


And guess what came through the post on Wednesday? My acceptance letter to Murdoch :(
It won't matter now that I'm not going. Still a little bummed about it.


I've officially graduated from Temasek Polytechnic after completing my last exam on Thurs. It's weird to know that I have nothing to 'look' forward to now that I'm done with school. Previously I knew another term would start soon. But I'm completely free. I have to start making concrete plans and make sure my 2 months of freedom before I commence Univrsity is not spent friviously. The past few days have been going about catching up on my free time, doing things I like best and spending time with people who mean much to me. So Thurs after Law exam was with Jules, Li ang, Vanessa and Esther at Tampines for awhile before they rush off to church and dinner. These are the friends from Poly who keep me sane and make BMR and Media Law bearable. Then it was Fish and Co. with Jason leezzzzz and JingYi and her friends. Point to note: fish and co was actually my second dinner 'cause I had Pepper lunch with Jules and co right before that. lol. And Yes, right after fish and co was Bedok 85 'cause Supper Gang summoned the rest of us to Pasir Ris central which I verbally opposed to 'cause seriously, there's so much Beef La Mian you can take in a month. I suggested 85 and most of them went along except for the 3 boys who can crawl to Pasir Ris central back and forth within 5 minutes (slight exageration there) namely, Gerard,Rongjie and Jing Wei. So it was Johnny,Mengye, Jason leezzzzz, JingYi, Jasper, Kwok Seng and me. Of course, I had my favourite-ss-ss-ss Green Tea Tang Yuan :D And I went home on Thursday like a bloated fish.

Then came Friday which was with my favourite-ss-ss-ss homies yo. (Ok just trying to insert some hip-hop crap here. Random!). Actually, my favourite girls. 7 of us with the exception of YP and Trena. Sat was cell day and today was Church day. After church was lunch and then did a little shopping with Jingyi at Bugis. After which, headed to Daniel's birthday bash. And here I am typing this at 12.30a.m. Before I take a bow and you move on to the next interesting blog, here's something serious that I'm gonna try to put to words.

I really feel that Generations needs drastic changes. Change in the people's attitudes, change in our relationship with God, Change of hearts. I'm provoked that some of you talk about backsliding like you want another glass of coke. What's with this flippant attitude? It's NOT funny when you backslide. Even more so that these are the words coming from someone who has been in church for sometime. Please. I'm nowhere near mentioning names and pinpointing. I have my own faults,my own flaws. But let's move on from our mistakes and problems. Let's just get over them. I don't care who's reading this. What I'm saying is, and I'm talking to every believer here, enough of weak faith. Enough of going through the motions. Enough of standing by watching when my Pastor's sharing his heart. Even during service today the Presence of God was so evident and yet I could feel even when I was praying that some people were so ignorant to what was going on. It's as though they're walking with mud on their eyes. WAKE UP. Seriously. You're excused if you're new and you don't understand anything about feeling God. I'm talking to people who feel God's presence and refuse to run with it. I'm talking to people who think it's alright if they don't pray and not read the Word and think they're walking right with God. I'm talking to people who make light of God's word. So what if we have 400 youths? If most of them are not serious and think that church is some social club, then I'll rather we lose some people and have 200 people full-on for Jesus. If the attitude towards God is that you have problems right now and you can't care less about Him or you think church is boring and you're only here week after week cause of your friends, then let me enlighten you on something. Jesus didn't die for you only for you to say 'i'm backsliding 'cause cell is boring.' If I can be so upset over your attitude, imagine the Lord's grief. He did so much for you, and all He wants is to spend some time with You. Stop going around busying yourself with temporal fun, punching people and all these nonsense. Start living your life right man. Enough said.

Noise: Pull shapes- The Pipettes

My feelings are apt here. Click here for a dose of Endography and words.