So some adjustments are needed in my life in 2007.
I still don't exactly know what they are and honestly I'm a little scared.
Will it ask too much of me? Can I give it up?
I know all things will work out eventually. Call me faithless, but i just can't see it now.

You know why I cried when I was told to stay in Singapore? Maybe 'cause I was looking so much for an escape. An escape to my problems, an escape to living the life that I'm living. I want a fresh beginning so much. I want to finally experience living on my own, having new friends, having nobody to judge me on what I did and of course, to live in somewhere I've always wanted to live. I want to cruise down the winding roads, feel the cool breeze against my skin and warmth from the sun on my face.

I'm not saying that my friends suck. I do think I have the best friends anyone can ever have. Or friends for that matter. I do thank God for loads of ppl. Cloud 9, my church friends in particular, for being who they are and always so accepting of me, my cell group who is my second family, my closer secondary school friends and some other people i've got to know along the way. But I wanna jet off to some faraway country to take a breather. A long breather. And hope with crossed fingers that some memories will fade like those yellowed dog-earred pieces of paper you have lying somewhere in the room. Not only that, it's something I've always always wanted to do. It's a dream. And dreams are there to be fulfilled. I have a long list of dreams for myself and of course, God. Some are known to my friends, some are only mentioned in the prayer closet.

But you know what I think? Some dreams have to be given up in order for bigger ones to be realised. If I have to give up going to Aussie 'cause God has something in stored for me in Singapore, then I'll stay. "My will is to do the will of my Father's," said Jesus. I'm 19, going on 20. I do believe there's another 50 years or so for me. In these 50 years, I see myself writing for magazines. I see myself in Africa. I see myself helping kids fulfil their dreams. The list will grow. In whatever I do, I wanna be God driven. I may be going through a phase right now and handling some issues I have, but I won't falter or turn away. I won't, but I'll stand firm on where I've placed my values upon, and I won't let go of what I know to be true. Even though I have my tough times, I won't forget the One who gave me a hope to live, the One who showed me what true love meant.

:)

Lastly, thank you. To all my friends who have spent time with me, listening to me whine about stuff, hearing my worries and encouraging me. The late-night suppers, small talks, outings, walks at the Esplanade are not forgotten. I appreciate each and every one of you.