Have you ever wondered why people can pucker up such courage to end their lives but they can't find the strength to face their problems?
I am suddenly reminded of this story that a preacher once told us. He said that during his quiet time everyday God would ask him to pray for an hour against this particular wall. So he starts speaking in tongues for an hour. After a few weeks of that, his neighbours came to his house and they asked if they could dine together. So the preacher said yes. At the dinner table they didn't say anything and the preacher wondered why they would asked him out for dinner and didn't wanna talk. Finally he asked, 'do you mind if i talk about God?' They replied,'that was what we were here for.' So he shared with them about Jesus. After that they accepted Christ and the neighbour's daughter spoke up.'I've been battling with depression for the past 3 months and I just feel like ending it all.Everyday I just feel like killing myself. At night when I'm in my room, I will hear you speaking in that funny language of yours and somehow I feel like I can live for another day." Amazing isn't it?
Sometimes I seriously feel like ending it all as well. As in, I just want the world to stop. Either that I just wanna go home. Go back to a much better somewhere..where there's worship and joy abundant. Where I'll meet God. Sometimes I just want God to take me home. That's when I feel like everything's too much to bear. But thank God that at the end of the day, the slightest thing like precious photos and talking to my mum cheers me up. Thank God for good friends who counsel me and love me for who I am. Thank God for my wonderful cell group which I love to bits. And for that, I could hold on for a little while more. But of course, nothing beats talking to God Himself. I love the fact the I don't have to go into His presence with pretense or as a religious act. I love the fact that I could just tell Him that my day sucked and He wouldn't take a rod and give me a disapproving glare. I love the fact that there's liberty in God's presence. I love the fact that when I feel like my world is tumbling I can hold on to Jesus, the solid Rock. I love the fact that I can weep for an hour but feel His comfort. There's nothing greater than knowing Jesus. As cliche and cheesy as it might sound, I really CAN live without many things but I can't live without God.
I wrote my heart down.
1:04 AM