3oth December 2006
Saturday Night
12.30a.m.

I remember sitting down last year and posting a similar entry. Amidst all the hustle bustle and excitement of ushering in the new year, I'm being extremely pensive and this's gonna be deep.
3 years ago, I thought 2007 would never arrive. Not for a long time. Graduation was the last thing on my mind. The feeling's different from prom night back in 2003. In siglap the 4 years were well-spent and it was more like a 'see you later' than a farewell. I'm not gonna whine about me missing my poly life and friends when I graduate in Feb. I don't miss it all that much honestly. Sure, I did made a couple of good friends and matured quite abit. But I keep feeling that this is the path uncharted. Unlike the previous time, my friends are not going to go into polys and JCs. My guy friends are enlisting into the worse but most memorable time of their lives. I'm not sure about the others. Some are going out to work, some bumming around and others going to universities. So basically they'll be all around the world 'cause some are going overseas to further their studies. I may be going Aussie, I'm not sure yet. The scattering of ashes. The big 2-0. The unknown. The singleness. I do not like 2007 one bit. Not a single bit.

I'm still upset. I'm still very confused. This was all going on while we were having a normal conversation. I have been confused, since the year began. About exactly a year before my eyes were puffed up and swollen for almost the same reason. I remembered trudging into the radio production suite and the last thing on my mind was about editing my work. It all seems silly now. It is. I told myself at the end of 2005 that things were gonna change in the new year. A year has passed. Have I been too passive 'cause I still can't figure out what's on your mind? 2007 sits on our doorsteps. Massive changes are gonna happen. You're enlisting,i may be going away. Many times I wanna say something, but the words won't come out right. You know? I'm not one who will grab your attention by tugging on your arm. I just aren't. So maybe I just am at your disposal. I don't know if I mean anything anymore. Don't know if i'm wanted. I wanna tell you so much, but I don't know if you'll listen. But that's just me. Thinking too much for my own good. So most of the time I hide it with a smile. Smile on the outside, and you'll smile on the inside they say. It only works so much. A few years back I thought I was going through a phase in my life. Right now? Let's just say I miss you.