3oth December 2006
Saturday Night
12.30a.m.

I remember sitting down last year and posting a similar entry. Amidst all the hustle bustle and excitement of ushering in the new year, I'm being extremely pensive and this's gonna be deep.
3 years ago, I thought 2007 would never arrive. Not for a long time. Graduation was the last thing on my mind. The feeling's different from prom night back in 2003. In siglap the 4 years were well-spent and it was more like a 'see you later' than a farewell. I'm not gonna whine about me missing my poly life and friends when I graduate in Feb. I don't miss it all that much honestly. Sure, I did made a couple of good friends and matured quite abit. But I keep feeling that this is the path uncharted. Unlike the previous time, my friends are not going to go into polys and JCs. My guy friends are enlisting into the worse but most memorable time of their lives. I'm not sure about the others. Some are going out to work, some bumming around and others going to universities. So basically they'll be all around the world 'cause some are going overseas to further their studies. I may be going Aussie, I'm not sure yet. The scattering of ashes. The big 2-0. The unknown. The singleness. I do not like 2007 one bit. Not a single bit.

I'm still upset. I'm still very confused. This was all going on while we were having a normal conversation. I have been confused, since the year began. About exactly a year before my eyes were puffed up and swollen for almost the same reason. I remembered trudging into the radio production suite and the last thing on my mind was about editing my work. It all seems silly now. It is. I told myself at the end of 2005 that things were gonna change in the new year. A year has passed. Have I been too passive 'cause I still can't figure out what's on your mind? 2007 sits on our doorsteps. Massive changes are gonna happen. You're enlisting,i may be going away. Many times I wanna say something, but the words won't come out right. You know? I'm not one who will grab your attention by tugging on your arm. I just aren't. So maybe I just am at your disposal. I don't know if I mean anything anymore. Don't know if i'm wanted. I wanna tell you so much, but I don't know if you'll listen. But that's just me. Thinking too much for my own good. So most of the time I hide it with a smile. Smile on the outside, and you'll smile on the inside they say. It only works so much. A few years back I thought I was going through a phase in my life. Right now? Let's just say I miss you.

What's Christmas without friends and of course presentsss??
Yesterday the spirit of giving was just infectious. (: I walked into the church and everybody were carrying tins and huge paperbags. Thanks for the lollies,chocolates,candy canes,homemade cookies,rolled-up notes,name plates,cards,photos and the belt. The best gift has got to be the photos. Kok Seng printed photos for many of us and wrote something behind. And of course to all those who stayed up till 6am baking cookies and doing name plates and knick knacks...thanksssss so much! But you know what beats all this? It's when you have boxes of chocolates and you walk around giving it away to random people. People like newcomers who didn't receive anything, the person who has gone away for a long time and the soundman whom many unknowingly neglects. And then their appreciative faces makes giving better than receiving on Christmas. I didn't understand some of the teachings from the bible when I was younger. As a sunday school kid, I couldn't comprehend the meaning of 'it's more blessed to give than to receive.' I mean, who didn't like receiving presents? "So I have to forfeit my gifts?" I thought. What kind of sick Christmas was that? So I thought people were crazy to really believe in that. Of course they gave 'cause they knew they would receive something in return. But i'm 19. I'm yes older,but wiser. Sure,I received loads of stuff this yr and I'm thankful for it, but nothing beats saying 'hey,i've got something for you'. And the teachings that confused me before is as clear as day to me now.

After service we hanged around and went to walk around the stalls set up for Christmas at katong and Joo Chiat. The best part was the night performance when we caught Surreal live.

This morning I woke up late and cabbed down to church for filming. It's for Generation's new promo video..I shan't type it down 'cause it will spoil the surprise.(if any) THE 'IQ' test, Joel's clogs, my flying shoe and goggles up games made my day. There were almost 20 of us so all of us had a lot of fun fooling and bumming around.

Alright, enough of this blabbering..need to get down to work.Lord,HELP!

Love,
Nat (:

Life in 30 days sumed up in (less than) 300 words.


stretched.
preoccupied with millions of popped up thoughts.
thinking about the What if-s and To be-s.
a tad bit frustrated with work.
mostly grateful with what's happening in my life.
taking things in small strides.
slightly upset over the fact that dublin mudslide's gonna be phased out at Ben and Jerry's.
Still loving indie.
currently digging cardigans,floral tops,long necklaces,black clutches and a cream bag which i have not yet found.
can't really register the fact that i'm gonna graduate from poly in 2 months.God,am i old or what?
Jesus is still the most beautiful name i've ever heard and mentioned about.