I've semi permanently moved to Killerblueskies.livejournal.com. So BnJ girls, cloudies, church friends, random stalkers, say hello there. It's partially locked though.Leave a comment to be added.

GO GO! See you there.

p/s: I'll still do occasional updates here. :)

Switchfoot.
You know what I'm gonna say next. You didn't think I would waste my $55 for nothing, did you? I'm a huge music junkie, but I do choose concerts carefully cause I'm not rich enough and I don't want to go for a gig that I know I won't enjoy. I've only been to 2 paid gigs in my entire life (more to come I'm sure), but I can safely say that Switchfoot is and will be one of the best concerts I've been to. You know, pure rock and roll will get everyone hyped up and mosh each other's guts out, and many bands can do that. I just love how Jon foreman could sing a rock anthem, then belt out an acoustic song next with such ease. Twice he leaped off the stage and came up the barricade to grab our hands and sang to us. Twice I was so close to holding it but to no avail. But that's alright, really.I've gotten over it. The first time he came up, the crowd went into a huge frenzy and screamed their lungs out when
he grabbed their hands. Or rather, just seeing him a few metres from them had them screaming away. I was a victim of the screaming match as well, cause my hands were like 10cm away from his HELLO! Anyways, he sang the chorus of 'this is your life' when he was holding the many fans' hands. You might go,' cool.that's a sight to behold', but it's more than that. At some points during the gig, I could only stand and stare at Jon foreman, cause his sincerity for us shone through. There are many bands who could show off excellent guitat riffs, out-of-this-world drum solos and stuff, but you know they're just doing their job as a rock star. I've not met a band so far, who have such great chemistry and you know they're not trying to display their wonderful technicalities but connect with the audience with their music. Many christians have said that they have gone mainstream and therefore are secular. Others said they want to appeal to the mass and not just christians to increase album sales. All I have to say to these comments is 'small thinking.' Cause if you've watched them last night like I did, you would know that they mean every word they sing and play. They're out here to make good, positive music which is so lacking in the secular music industry and I don't think they care too much about making big bucks. Cause if they do, why else would they perform to school students for free and do things like how they've been doing? I was just blog and website surfing, and I learn more and more that, to be a christian does not mean you have to go around telling people you're saved. I like the way christians from other nations think. Sometimes all we do is just sit around and criticise and try to fit christians in a box. 'Oh, this is how christian music and art needs to be done.' Whoever said positive music needs to only appeal to christians? whoever said songs written with all honesty means that these guys are backsliding and are not living like christians? These few weeks, I have been hearing many messages about how being christians is basically living like an ordinary person with Jesus inside. We do not go around wearing white to signify we're pure and live a holy life. Being a christian does not mean I do not go through the same problems my other friends do. It also does not mean I'm always happy, and I don't have any questions for God. I do, even though we should try to live with utmost joy in us. Being a christian does not mean I do not feel discouraged, or it's wrong that I should feel this way. More and more, I also learn that being a christian does not mean we put on a religious facade and go around listing 'DOs' and 'DON'Ts' or acting like you're perfect just because you're saved when you're not. It's about learning, falling, immensing yourself in God, learning about amazing grace and love, trying to be a better person, more failures, catching yourself when you fall, letting God deal with us, trying to hold onto Jesus when all the world's upside down, learning to love people, being honest about your mistakes, know that you're human and you will disappoint but with each time try not to make the same mistakes, living a transaparent life and finally, living a victorious life through Christ Jesus. I try to be as honest as possible. And that's why I like Jon foreman. I know he does not put up a religious front but has Jesus inside from the way he sings his songs and looks at people with sincerity and hear what they have to say in the middle of the gig. I know he's a christian from the way he talks about seeing change and living our lives well. I was talking to a friend after the gig and said I liked it when he played '24' on his acoustic guitar. And my non-christian friend replied, 'I know! I almost cried when he sang it.'

I find myself standing and staring at him play his guitar at times while others are trying to snap a decent shot of him, because I'm sure what he's singing was touching some hearts.

Just when I thought things couldn't get much worse, they got better. They're like consolation prizes. Makes you feel a little more esteemed than the day before. Anyways, before I talk about that, I'll let you in on what made things worse. 2 days ago my dad almost slapped me again. I have no idea why I'm typing this out now. I went into my room straight away after that and was sobbing my eyes out and I was about to post this angry entry about him. I almost did. Isaiah once asked me 'how often do you blog?' I told him whenever I had something to say. And he went 'but you always have something to say.' I know he meant it as a joke,. but I really think so. As in, I convey my thoughts as words much better. So this is where I write about my day, my opinions,worries,grievances,dreams and happy thoughts.As weird as it might sound, the first thing I did after I almost got slapped is to blog. And I'll just clear the air right now. No, I didn't go out to get pregnant. All I did was to ask if I could work on the second day of CNY if they weren't going anywhere. And a rant went into many false accusations, I defended myself, which led to even more accusations and eventually my dad who has a serious anger management problem,started shoving me and wanted to slap me. Obviously my self-denfense mechanism activated the screaming mode. Cause it's not the first time. Do all parents think that their children are all out to aggravate them and to go against their will? I mean, when I asked if I could work, my dad was like 'why?Are you trying to say I don't give you allowance?Are you trying to disgrace me by working on CNY?People who see you will think you're so hard up for cash.' To say the least, all he cares about, is himself. I wasn't even thinking about him, for crying out loud. What's so disgraceful about working on CNY, can someone enlighten me on this? I have never seen someone with such warped mentality and still thinks he's right about everything he says. They said I was rude. LOOK, if you have been reasonable, there's no reason why I would retaliate. You bloody wanted to slap me because I asked a simple yes/no question and your warped mentality told you I had something up my sleeves.And yesterday, they acted as though this never happened. Seriously, I have a good mind not to be civil about this but so far my patience has enabled me to do so. Let's see how far this can go.

Right.We've talked about the worst, the consolations?
1)I aced my Journalism and Society module. After getting a Pass for Media Law and Credit for PR, I finally got a Distinction in Journ. At least I'm decent at what I think I'm good at.
2)And I'm catching Switchfoot in about 9 hours! Not forgetting that my parents (at least my dad) will be asleep by the time I'm back so one less day to fret over.

I've been wavering the past few days. I stand in this imaginery confession box and admit that I'm still weary and apprehensive about some things. I'm mad,and hurt and disappointed. I still am. There are things I hope I'll get to say someday, when I get the chance to. During praise and worship I couldn't lift my feet off the ground, my hands and heart heavy.
I shut my eyes. nope, still nothing.
'worthy is the lamb, sitted on the throne. crown you now with many crowns, you reign victorious.'
worthy.
Is Jesus worthy of my praise even when things go wrong?
'Yes..but I'm half-hearted, I'm boiled down by so many problems. It's so hard.'
'thou art worthy'
Excuses aside, my feelings does not change the fact that Jesus,who's the lamb that was slain, is less worthy of my praise just because I'm down and out. Even during the song, I was reminded of Job. I guess it was not easy for him to raise his hands and worship the Lord. Maybe his hands were heavier. I don't think he understood what was happening to him either. But what he had was discipline. Discipline to know who His God is and to submit his emotions to Him. Discipline to know that whatever comes His way, Jesus is still worthy to be praised. My God's faithfulness never fails and my obligation is to be faithful in my walk with Him. Now that we've got that sorted, Chin up and move forward.


p/s: I don't feel like dancing by scissor sisters is such a catchy song and the guy's high pitch voice is pretty hilarious but it suits the mood and song.

p/p/s: I miss Marisa.and Jon. and Est. and Diana.arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I got to meet best friend briefly before class on Wednesday. Finally.
I now know why I miss my good friends so much when I don't see or talk to them. It's not only the bond, but it's also when you realise they're the ones whom you feel comfortable in your own skin with.

I'm really upset.
Period.

If we will live each day self-scarificially, with a clear purpose and vision in mind and we look at people with eyes of love, we can change the world.